- There is no such thing as a sterile barn
- No one ever notices how you ride until you
- The least useful horse in your barn will
eat the most, require shoes every four weeks and need the vet at least once a
- A horse's misbehavior will be in direct
proportion to the number of people who are watching.
- If you approach within fifty feet of your
barn in clean clothes, you will get dirty.
A few definitions:
- Colic- The gastrointestinal result of
eating at the food stands at horse shows.
- Colt- What your mare always gives you when
you want a filly.
- Feed- Expensive substance utilized in the
manufacture of large quantities of manure.
- Fences- Decorative perimeter structures
built to give a horse something to chew on, scratch against and jump over (see
- Gates- Wooden or metal structures built to
- Girth sores- Painful swelling and abrasion
made at the point of mid-section by fashionable large western belt
- Green broke- The color of the face of the
person who has just gotten the training bill from the Big Name
- Grooming- The fine art of brushing the dirt
from one's horse and applying it to your own body.
- Hock- The financial condition that a horse
owner goes into.
- Inbreeding- The breeding results of
broken/inadequate pasture fencing.
- Lead rope- A long apparatus instrumental in
the administration of rope burns. Also used by excited horses to take a
handler for a drag.
- Overreaching- A descriptive term used to
explain the condition your credit cards are in by the end of show
- Race- What your heart does when you see the
- Rasp- An abrasive, long, flat metal tool
used to remove excess skin from the knuckles.
- Sacking out- A condition caused by Sleeping
Sickness (see below). The state of deep sleep a mare owner will be in at the
time a mare actually goes into labor and foals.
- Saddle sore- The way the rider's bottom
feels the morning after the weekend at the horse show.
- Sleeping sickness- A disease peculiar to
mare owners while waiting for their mares to foal. Caused by nights of lost
sleep, symptoms include irritability, red baggy eyes and a zombie-like waking
state. Can last several weeks.
- Withers- The reason you'll seldom see a man
- Yearling- The age at which all horses
completely forget the things you taught them previously.
- Zoo- The typical atmosphere around most
How to Interpret Classified Horse Ads:
BIG TROT-Can't canter within a two mile
straightaway. NICELY STARTED- lunges, but we don't have enough insurance to ride
BIG BONED- good thing he has a mane and tail, or he would be mistaken for a
NEEDS INTERMEDIATE RIDER-runaway
A few more Horse laughs
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