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Hargett's Happy Trails

"The Lighter Side"

Murphy's Horse Laws 

  • There is no such thing as a sterile barn cat.
  • No one ever notices how you ride until you fall off.
  • The least useful horse in your barn will eat the most, require shoes every four weeks and need the vet at least once a month.
  • A horse's misbehavior will be in direct proportion to the number of people who are watching.
  • If you approach within fifty feet of your barn in clean clothes, you will get dirty.
A few definitions:
  • Colic- The gastrointestinal result of eating at the food stands at horse shows.
  • Colt- What your mare always gives you when you want a filly.
  • Feed- Expensive substance utilized in the manufacture of large quantities of manure.
  • Fences- Decorative perimeter structures built to give a horse something to chew on, scratch against and jump over (see inbreeding).
  • Gates- Wooden or metal structures built to abuse horses.
  • Girth sores- Painful swelling and abrasion made at the point of mid-section by fashionable large western belt buckles.
  • Green broke- The color of the face of the person who has just gotten the training bill from the Big Name trainer...
  • Grooming- The fine art of brushing the dirt from one's horse and applying it to your own body.
  • Hock- The financial condition that a horse owner goes into.
  • Inbreeding- The breeding results of broken/inadequate pasture fencing.
  • Lead rope- A long apparatus instrumental in the administration of rope burns. Also used by excited horses to take a handler for a drag.
  • Overreaching- A descriptive term used to explain the condition your credit cards are in by the end of  show season.
  • Race- What your heart does when you see the vet bill.
  • Rasp- An abrasive, long, flat metal tool used to remove excess skin from the knuckles.
  • Sacking out- A condition caused by Sleeping Sickness (see below). The state of deep sleep a mare owner will be in at the time a mare actually goes into labor and foals.
  • Saddle sore- The way the rider's bottom feels the morning after the weekend at the horse show.
  • Sleeping sickness- A disease peculiar to mare owners while waiting for their mares to foal. Caused by nights of lost sleep, symptoms include irritability, red baggy eyes and a zombie-like waking state. Can last several weeks.
  • Withers- The reason you'll seldom see a man riding bareback.
  • Yearling- The age at which all horses completely forget the things you taught them previously.
  • Zoo- The typical atmosphere around most horse farms.
How to Interpret Classified Horse Ads:

BIG TROT-Can't canter within a two mile straightaway. NICELY STARTED- lunges, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet.                                                       BIG BONED- good thing he has a mane and tail, or he would be mistaken for a cow.                                           NEEDS INTERMEDIATE RIDER-runaway

A few more Horse laughs

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